Have you seen the commercials for 2010 Mercedes E-Class? It makes me sick; it’s so high-tech! It has Blind Spot Assist, Distronic Plus, and Night View Assist Plus! I mean, I thought that since it had so many different types of wheels for just one car that would be complicated enough; but I guess I stand corrected.. again. Like the Mercedes Benz 280 Wheels, there’s like 3 types! And they all look the same! It’s horrible, or at least that’s what I think. But let’s get back to this fascinating new car, shall we?

You’re probably thinking, “What the heck is Blind Spot Assist?”, right? Well according to my sources, it’s specially designed to help all 2010 E-Class drivers determine if there’s someone in your blind spot. There’s a small red light that appears on your side view mirrors, on either side, to help you whenever you think about changing lanes. How helpful, right? But how annoying will it get? I mean how many times a day are there going to be people in your blind spot when you’re driving from Point A to Point B? Yeah it will lower the amount of accidents, but it’ll probably increase your level of irritation.

Now onto Distronic Plus. Let’s play a word game. What does Disctronic sound like to you? You got it: Distraction. So what happens when you’re driving and happen to get distracted or start dozing off? You’re car automatically “senses” it and some sort of alarm comes on to “wake you up” or be more aware of where you’re driving. Let’s say you’re driving on the freeway, the car’s radar eventually gets the idea that you’re just going straight and when the traffic ultimately comes to a halt, so does your car. Isn’t that great? It doesn’t mean that you can text or just do something else other than driving, it’s just there to assist you-not ultimately drive for you.

So we’re finally at Night View Assist Plus; when I first figured out that it was a feature, I just thought to myself, “Geez, does it drive for you when you fall asleep, too?!”; but then I realized that I was just getting ahead of myself. Anyways, Night View Assist Plus automatically looks ahead at what your headlights can’t see and senses if there’s something that you should notice when you’re driving. So let’s get all dramatic and say it’s a moonless night and it’s only you & the road. There’s no one there; then all of a sudden, you see two people walking on the side; but they don’t appear until you’re like two feet away! Not to worry, since you have this magnificent feature, you saw them from half a mile away. How cheesy, huh? I mean, if it’s just you & the road, you might as well put your high beams on & it would be the same thing!

Okay sure, the new 2010 Mercedes-Benz E Class is a gorgeous car, but are all the features really necessary? Let’s evaluate each one of them:
1. Blind Spot Assist. Do you really need a flashing red light everytime someone is in your blind spot? I’m sure people only look there whenever they’re going to swith lanes, right?
2. Distronic Plus. Okay, maybe this one’s a good one. It’s great that your car senses when you happen to be dozing off because you don’t want to get into an accident right?
3. Night View Assist Plus. BO-GUS. How often are you going to be driving somewhere where there’s no street lights? And if you do, how often are there going to be people walking there? Seriously?